I think my vagina is haunted
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
