Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
