I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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