I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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