So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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