i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
