so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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