My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
