where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
