it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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