So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I enjoy the company of your penis
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
