So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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