with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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