a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
