Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
25 Facts Men Donâ€™t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.