Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.