I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.