I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."