a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.