he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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