Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
