I didn't shave. On purpose
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
