I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
