I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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