I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
