Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
