The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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