I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
