Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
