In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
