I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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