TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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