is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
