I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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