The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
