i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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