My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
