I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
