So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
