Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
