I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
