Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Girls should come with a carfax report
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
