and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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