tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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