Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
