If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
