My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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