Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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