this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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