Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
did i just pee glitter
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
