I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
