How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
