Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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