Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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