your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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