i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I am morally bankrupt
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
