All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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