if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
