Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
