I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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