Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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