I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
