i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
