Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
