i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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