Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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