Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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