I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
