worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
