Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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