Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
